Posts Tagged ‘zombie plan’

Because We All Know The Zombiepocalypse Is Coming One Day Soon


Team Z leaders
Team Zombiepocalypse is divided into three contingents:

Cassandra is in charge of Great Britain
Kim is in charge of the US East Coast
Heidi is in charge of the US West Coast. Special attention shall be paid to the population of California. With specific reference to Hollywood.

When the Zombie outbreak hits…
Cassandra will round up her friends and family, and make a brief and perilous stop-off in London, to collect her portion of the Repopulation List. She will then hightail it down to the West Country, and locate a suitable port. Bristol seems like a good choice. She will then commandeer, de-Zombify and rapidly learn to pilot a Cruise Ship.

Kim will also round up her friends and family, and will also be commandeering and de-Zombifying a Cruise Ship. This Cruise Ship will remain in port, and be fiercely defended against all comers, awaiting the arrival of Heidifrom California. All other US team members are encouraged to make themselves known to Kim and make their way to the Cruise Ship as soon as possible.

Heidi will occupy the months leading up to the Zombiepocalypse in building a Dirigible. When the inevitable happens, she will collect the agreed World Repopulation list (assuming they have not been infected) into her Dirigible, and fly across the country to the East Coast rendezvous. Although the dangers of this task will be high, the wearing of the appropriate Team Z Outfit (see separate blog entry) should do much to ensure survival. Also, Dirigibles are awesome.

Both the British and American cruise ships will then set sail for Iceland, which will become the new centre of the civilised world and the base from which the human race will re-build, stronger and better than ever before. While the inherent difficulty of piloting a very large ship in difficult conditions is recognised, it should be remembered that, what with one thing and another, the High Seas will be considerably quieter places than they used to be.

The case for Iceland
1. Iceland is sparsely populated. The fewer people there are to start with, the fewer Zombies there will be to deal with.
2. The bulk of Iceland’s energy is generated from geothermal sources, meaning that survival in a world without fossil fuels will be a much more comfortable proposition.
3. Iceland is already set up for the growing of fruit and vegetables under difficult conditions, including geothermally-powered greenhouses.
4.Iceland is staggeringly beautiful. This will be extremely good for morale.
5. Iceland has a school devoted to Elf Studies. This may just be the most awesome fact about any nation, anywhere, that we have ever heard. Awesomeness is a critical factor in Zombiepocalypse survival.
6. Iceland is the home of
<content deleted in the interests of protecting everyone’s secret FFN identities>
7. We all want to see the Northern Lights and the Midnight Sun.
8. Look, we just like Iceland, okay? This is our Zombie Plan and this is how it is.

What next?
Repopulation of the world will then commence. The Repopulation List has been carefully selected to ensure a good mix of intelligence (Professor Brian Cox), raconteurial ability (Stephen Fry), vital skills (Nigella Lawson), and beefcake (Russell Crowe). The full Repopulation List is available on request and new names can be added to it. In the interests of making the most of a limited gene pool, the generous sharing of everyone’s genes will be encouraged.

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