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Posts Tagged ‘never google sootikin’

INT., MY BEDROOM, DAY. I AM MAKING THE BED AS IDLE DISPLACEMENT FROM WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER OF MY NOVEL.

SHYCAT: I’m going to take advantage of Bossycat’s absence to leap onto the bed and ask for attention in my ridiculous squeaky voice.

Shycat jumping on bed

ME: Aww, aren’t you cute? Give us a kiss.

SHYCAT: Because there is no sign of Bossycat, I will roll on my back and show you my fluffy black underwool. She’s not coming to cuff me off the bed like she usually is, is she?

ME: It’s okay, Shycat. Bossycat is playing in the garden.

SHYCAT: Here is my underwool. You may pet it.

Shycat licking paws

ME: Blimey. Look at how much fur’s coming off you in this hot weather.

SHYCAT: When I catch your hand and pretend to kill it, I am much gentler than Bossycat. This makes me superior. But don’t tell her I said that because she will beat me up.

ME: Look at all of this fur, Shycat. I’m serious. We could stuff a pillow with it.

SHYCAT: Also, my arms are long and silky and look as if I am wearing long black evening gloves. Bossycat’s arms are stripey like Pippi Longstocking. One day you will understand the significance of this and then you will love me best.

Shycat washing

ME: (ROLLS UP THE REALLY QUITE LARGE QUANTITY OF LONG SILKY BLACK CAT-HAIR INTO A LITTLE CLUMP) Look, Shycat, we made a sootikin. This is a sootikin. Well, this is what I think a sootikin ought to be, anyway. It’s much nicer than the real thing.

Not precisely a sootikin 1

SHYCAT: HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT

ME: What? It’s just your fur, Shycat. I rolled it up and made a little mouse thing.

SHYCAT: IT IS EVIL

ME: Shycat, this is your fur. Two minutes ago you were in it. You can’t act all paranoid and upset about your own fur.

SHYCAT: MAKE IT GO AWAY

Me: It probably even still smells like you. Look, have a sniff.

SHYCAT: SAVE YOURSELVES! ABANDON SHIP! RUN FOR THE HILLS!

Shycat leaving the bed

(SHYCAT LEAVES THE BEDROOM AT SPEED. A MOMENT LATER SHE ARRIVES IN THE GARDEN. BOSSYCAT LEAPS OUT OF A BUSH AND AMBUSHES HER. I LOOK AT MY STILL-UNMADE BED AND REALISE I HAVE JUST SPENT TIME MAKING A CAT-HAIR SOOTIKIN TO FRIGHTEN THE PETS WITH.)

Not precisely a sootikin

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