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Posts Tagged ‘falmouth’

Invite Falmouth - The Summer We All Ran Away

The Falmouth launch party for “The Summer We All Ran Away” will be at the Falmouth Bookseller on 14th August, 6.30pm to 8.30pm. If you’re in the area, please do come along – it would be lovely to see you!

The Summer We All Ran Away is available from Amazon in Paperback and Kindle editions, and from all good bookshops – including my kind hosts, the wonderful Falmouth Bookseller.

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Happy New Year everyone! And before we all get too smug about surviving the Mayan Omnipocalypse, here’s a little reminder that our dark Overlords are still watching over us and planning our imminent demise. Possibly through the medium of terrifyingly delicious bar-snacks.

Tapas Bar of Cthulhu

On the other hand, the food’s excellent.

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Hint: not this.

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An exceptional piece of self-captioning here by an unknown beach visitor to Swanpool Beach:

And in close-up:

And one more time:

Disclaimer: it is, of course, not possible to deduce anything about this gentleman’s character from his accidental proximity to a childish act of beach-hut vandalism. I’m sure he’s a jolly nice chap really.

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What a great response to a shitty Trip Advisor review:

I’ve never eaten at Bistro de la Mer, but now I definitely want to.

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If you slip the butcher a fiver he’ll also cure the pelt for you.

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In today’s ruthless Retailing climate, no-one can afford to expend valuable energy on inflating balls for people who aren’t actually all that committed to buying one:

I can’t be sure, but I think this toy is designed to terrify children about the consequences of putting plastic bags over their heads:

Looks like his friend has arrived too late:

NB these are all the toys in this box set. There are no happy faces in this version of reality.

My First Catastrophic Cerebral Event:

You can mock, but it’s so popular they need a range:

My First Human-Rights-Violation Protest.

By the way, this doll was made in China.

This is getting depressing, isn’t it? Let’s try and find something more fun to talk about!

How about a nice family board game?

“But Dad, it’s not fair, I wanted to collect the decaying human body-parts from the bag floating in the Thames!”

For the record, all of these toys were photographed in a single visit to the Trago Mills Multi-level Emporium in Falmouth – surely the finest retail outlet anywhere in the British Isles. For more Trago Mills magnificence, click here , here, here and here. Go on. You know you want to.

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It’s all their fault. 😦

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I don’t blame them.

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"Especially for the paint. Paint makes us very, very nervous."

“You WILL use a basket. At ALL TIMES. This is how shopping works in our country. No go away and shop. QUIETLY. And don’t make a mess.

“And is it too much to ask that you stay away from the paint? Paint makes us very, very nervous.”

“Hang on – wait a – what the hell are you DOING? Are you using that basket to take stuff TO YOUR CAR? Your car that’s OUTSIDE THE STORE? What the hell are you THINKING? I mean, my God, those things aren’t free, you know?

“Look, it’s really simple, okay? While you’re IN the store, you use a basket. We’ve seen what you people can do with your hands when you’re bored. Frankly, it makes us sad and angry. We’re all much more comfortable when your hands are where we can see them. But as soon as you step OUTSIDE the store, you stop using the basket. These babies are made of the finest low-grade plastic money can buy. Exposure to UV-radiation can cause serious damage. Or maybe they sparkle in the sunlight. We’ve never actually tried it.

“So anyway, that’s why the second you leave the store, our baskets instantly transition from Compulsory to Verboten. You know what? I really enjoyed our little chat. Have a great day!”

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