At Last, Some Action!
So, yeah; Elena and the ice-blue Renaissance gown she cleaned out her college fund for. On the one hand, I have a secret (and fairly stupid) belief that the world would be much more fun for everyone if we all dressed up a little more, and wore stuff just because it makes us happy, rather than because it’s all that appropriate for the occasion. (One day, for example, I am totally doing the school run in a ball-gown.) On the other hand, in my experience, boys – even undead ones – are almost never impressed when their girlfriends turn up to a date wearing what is essentially a wedding-dress.
So please, LJ Smith, don’t let me down here. I’m asking as nicely as I possibly can. I want to see Elena make an utter fool of herself. I want to see the cleaning-out of college funds and the purchase of scary Shotgun-Wedding outfits with the money denounced for the travesty of normal behaviour it truly is. I want my OMGWTFWWJD moment of horror from Stefan when Elena opens that front door, and I want it now, damn it, now!!!!!
He was staring at her in wonder, yes. But it was not the wondering joy she’d seen in his eyes that first night in his room. This was closer to shock.
Oh, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!
Ahem. Getting right back on with the snarkiness here. Unsurprisingly, Elena is the only person at the Hallowe’en Ball who’s chosen to come dressed for her own wedding, so she’s now surrounded by people dressed as zombies, corpses, werewolves, witches, hunchbacks, etc. (Incidentally, when did fancy-dress costumes imitating people with serious physical disabilities get the stamp of approval? And did it happen to homeless people at the same time? Just, you know, PUTTING THAT OUT THERE.)
Fortunately, no-one has time to mock Elena’s ludicrously out-of-step appearance, because Mr Tanner the History teacher is refusing to play nice and be a co-operative blood-stained corpse for the Druidical sacrifice at Stonehenge, on the grounds of historical inaccuracy. But it’s all okay, because Stefan does some of that weird Vampire / Jedi hoodoo thing on him, and within minutes, he’s happily lying down on the altar so Bonnie can make yucky with the strawberry sauce.
You know, if I was a vampire with a complex about what a monster I was, I think I’d be redressing the Karmic balance by, oh, I don’t know, hanging out at the UN Climate Change conference or something, and quietly facilitating the latest critical negotiations on how we’re all not going to fry the world and everything in it. Or maybe I’d drop by the next round of Israel / Palestine discussions. But then, I think this kind of thing is pretty damn cool, so what the hell would I know?
Then there’s a bit of Mean Girls stuff where Elena tries to make friends with Caroline (for a refresher on who Caroline is, click here). And Caroline basically tells Elena they will be enemies until the end of time. And that means Elena is a better person than Caroline. Or possibly that Caroline is a more honest person than Elena. Your pick.
And then they wander around and look at some stuff and they walk into the Stonehenge room to admire Mr Tanner who’s being an alarmingly convincing corpse, and ohnoes, Mr Tanner is dead…
At this point, Tyler – the rapist from Chapter Seven who has inexplicably been allowed back onto school premises – takes charge of the important task of identifying the killer:
“It’s not hard to guess who it is,” said Tyler. “Someone who hated Tanner and was always getting into arguments with him. Someone who was arguing with him earlier tonight…Someone who has a history of violence. Someone who, for all we know, is a psychopath who came to Fell’s Church just to kill.”
I’ve been looking at this passage for quite some time, and I can’t decide if I think this is a ridiculous leap of non-logic, or a fairly rational response to Stefan’s presence. After all, he is a vampire, and while everyone in town seems strangely blind to this, it’s possible that on some level they’re aware of it. I just think I’d like to see a little bit less pointing of the fingers and reaching for the pitchforks, and a little bit more calling of the cops and fetching of the responsible adults.
But you know what’s guaranteed to distract me from whatever point I was making, in the manner of a cat whose owner has just bought a laser-pointer? Bromance.
Please, thought Elena, gazing into those blue eyes, willing him to understand. Oh please, Matt, only you can save him. Even if you don’t believe, try to trust…please…
Since their brilliant scheme for saving Stefan consists of “Telling Stefan everyone’s looking for him because they think he murdered Mr Tanner”, I’m not quite clear why it has to be Matt who does the saving, rather than Elena. But, you know, it’s still kind of sweet, if you like that kind of thing, and I do most definitely like that kind of thing. After all, if you had the choice between a girl who come to Hallowe’en in a wedding-dress, and a nice uncomplicated guy who you can talk to about football and stuff, who would you pick?
“Matt.” The dark green eyes were dark and burning, and Matt found he could not look away from them. “Is Elena safe? Good. Then take care of her. Please.”
If you’d like to know more about homoerotic subtexts in Vampire fiction, you may enjoy “Kiss Me With Those Red Lips” by Christopher Craft. Or, if you just want to read more about Matt and Stefan, you want to head on over to FanFiction.net and have a little browse around their Vampire Diaries section. I’m blogging about reading the original, so I can assure you I’m not about to judge.