Great Moments In Retailing – the Trago Mills series: Paint Makes Baby Jesus Cry

These pictures were taken at Trago Mills department store in Falmouth, Cornwall. Trago Mills is a magnificent store and I will be going on about it quite a lot over the next few weeks.

Sign at the bottom of the main staircase:

"Frankly, if it was up to me, we wouldn't stock the stuff in the first place."

Sign at the bottom of the back staircase:

"And don't you give me any of that 'sealed-tin-you-need-a-screwdriver-to-lever-the-lid-off' crap. What happens if one of you idiots decides to check if the new three-piece suite you're considering will match the paint you just bought? I mean, have you even considered that possibility? I thought not."

Sign in the (incidentally, quite terrifying) customer lift:

"What do you want all this paint for, anyway? Why can't you just be happy with wallpaper? What the hell's wrong with you people?"

Sign halfway up the staircase leading from the DIY section to the outside world:

"...on pain of death by drowning in your own vat of that wicked and decadent substance you humans call "paint", which you, foolish mortal, imagined you could smuggle past our crack team of Stair-Wardens who prowl every inch of our store precisely to keep the world safe from people like you. We warned you, so we're allowed to do it."

NB their paint department is in the basement.